Five Fears That I Have — 30 Days Writing Challenge
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
— Franklin D. Roosevelt
Everyone is fearful, and we always have at least one fear on our mind either its physical, psychological, real, or imaginative. Fear is a natural emotion of human beings, and actually it’s only as deep as the mind allows. It’s powerful yet vulnerable at the same time. Sometimes it’s a very helpful thing that keeps us from harm, but many times it’s an inner voice and a barrier that keeps us stuck.
Then what exactly do we fear the most? The spiders, snakes, heights or even the social situation could be frightening for us. The world is a never-ending sea of monsters. I think most of us are afraid of exactly the same thing, but some of us are simply better at hiding it, and some have effectively convinced not to dwell on some fears. What about mine? I couldn’t say that my fears are exactly the same with others, but people will always have a common ground right? Here are some of my fears that might be yours too:
- Fear of Change and Uncertainty
“How do you see us in the future?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why do you leave me all of sudden like this?”
“You know, I’m changing.”
Those talks, kinda scare me.
I know that life is full of surprises, to enjoy life is to master the art of embracing the uncertainty. Hence, it becomes scary for me when I can’t deal with it, the more things change the more they stay the same. I like things to be well planned. I’d like to feel like I’m in control of my life, and when a thing doesn’t go as it’s planned, I’m doomed.
The paradox is that I don’t want to stay put either, staying in a comfort zone can be riskier than changing. The last time I went to Korea, I tried to deal with the changes and uncertainty. I tried to embrace all the things out of my comfort zone.
I got better, but still, the fear is there.
2. Fear of Rejection
I find it hard to deal with rejection because I have had a deep-traumatic experience of rejection that affected my self-confidence. I’m afraid of being rejected because of a destiny that I can’t change such as physical condition, etc. When I want to open up myself to others, I tend to think 10 times harder to make sure they would accept it. If I know it’s about to be rejected, I’d better not talk about it at all. Yes, that is how much I hate rejection. Sometimes, I even lower my standard or expectation just to make sure I don’t get a rejection. Luckily, having a more realistic view of the past helped me to overcome my fear of rejection. Instead of lowering my expectation I tried to be content of every response I received, and I did.
3. Fear of Failure
I taught to be perfect when I was a kid. I was over-achievers straight A student and too attached to ‘goodness’. The fear of failure shaped me into an idealist. I don’t want to burden and disappoint anyone. Once I failed to get accepted into my first choice school, the whole world felt like an apocalypse to me. As time goes by, I’m getting used to failure and learned to re-framing the way I feel when I failed. Although, I still have insecurity about doing things incorrectly that lead me to self-doubt and over-blaming myself. Well, at least it strengthens me in the end.
4. Fear of Betrayal
Betrayal hits the core of the soul.
The thing about me; I’m extremely loyal and forgive people easily, thus I’m afraid of being betrayed to the bone. I have experienced disappointment and betrayal in love at some point in life and it’s hard to trust again whoever wronged me. I know that betrayal is an expected consequence in life, but that doesn’t mean people could betray with no feelings of remorse or guilts. The last time I got betrayed, I cope the fear in silence. Instead of crying over them, I make myself worthy of their regret and in the end wish them joys that they can’t find in my arms. After all, maybe it’s the best for us both?
5. Fear of Losing
I tend to be self-reliant because I’m afraid of losing someone that became a part of me and whoever I love genuinely. With everyone I love, I know I will lose them. Losing them feels like someone has pulled my heart out of the chest and is squeezing it painfully. Quite frankly, I learn that this fear is really not a fear, but a truth. Life comes in one favor. Once something starts, it is destined to end. Either for something new or even to remain nothing. I haven’t found the place in the sun, yet I’m trying to live beyond the fear.
Well, It’s okay to fear, to feel that every last fiber of our body is burning in anguish, to feel hollow, empty, and utterly broken. The pain that fear creates in our lives is real. However, Learning to overcome fear is a muscle. If we don’t consistently face it and strengthen it, we’re screwed. No matter who we are or what we achieve, fear will still exist in our life.
Along the way, fear will always be a double-edged knife; it will kill our dreams and keep us in a mediocre life or motivate us to achieve something worth talking about.
It’s up to us to decide.
-d-
