Why Does Validation Becomes Such a Big Deal for Some People? — A Series of Self Development

Do you want to be acknowledged through social media?
Are you interested in hearing that you are one in the group?
Do you want to be recognized as the best one at work?
Or perhaps the ideal girlfriend?

Seeking validation means asking someone to confirm and validate anything they see. I actually think that my need for validation is fairly normal and it only comes to my close relatives. I have learned that keeping something to myself attracts the least amount of negative attention. Thus, I believe that an external validation from strangers and people in social media as something insignificant. Keep in mind that I don’t see validation as a bad thing in life; it could be affirming and positive. It’s problematic when it becomes the focus of something that someone do.

I noticed that validation-seeking currently happened to people around me, people are desperately trying to look good in social media or trying hard to fulfil the demands of the society; showing off their high-end fashion items, their friendship circle, their expensive hobby or even doing too much public display of affections, only for gaining validation. This question just popped out of my mind; why does validation, especially on social media becomes such a big deal for them?

Human beings are naturally social creatures.

Probably cliché as it sounds, but this simple notion still consistently rings true to every single time I encounter existential issues. Moreover, now we live in an instant gratification society. A significant aspect of the need for validation from others has evolved out of social media and the way people frame themselves and their identity based on how others respond to their posts.

In my opinion, people who have a constant need to be noticed, desire for the exceptionalism and obsession with appearances are wanted to be right about everything and sought recognition that they are special. It could be about their achievements, their lovers, their lifestyle, their wealth, and so on. I think the need for validation, can create anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, and make a person addictive to hear praise, acceptance, and acknowledgment in all aspects of life. I retrieved from The Narcissism Spectrum Model: A Synthetic View of Narcissistic Personality, those who have this constant need might be included in the narcissistic spectrum.

Honestly, it’s okay to validate each other lives just that like many other things in life, we should strike a balance between validating our selves and seeking approval from others. The praise one receives from others should enhance the self-esteem which is already good. Good self-esteem of our personal value, appreciating ourselves which is stable and enduring is a trait to be grown. However, In exclusive research commissioned by Stylist, it was revealed that 9 out of 10 women reported having low levels of self-esteem, with many of the respondents saying the external pressures of social media is one of the causes. This is an increasingly prevalent problem, especially among young women. So, how can we overcome this problem?

• Getting off social media. Take a break from social media is a great start. It prevents us from comparing ourselves to others or the anxiety and stress about how our picture, post, or comment is being seen and received by others.
• Be mindful. Look for improvements and make a record of these either as a mental note or in a journal. These are self-validations that help us build up acknowledgment of our own abilities, talents, and skills.
• Try to be content. Instead of seeking validation from others, ask ourselves first, the acknowledgement from inside is enough. If the other person validates our achievements, recognize and acknowledge it, then stop.

Validation is connected to ego or because we are not completely secure and self-confident. Maybe we haven’t felt content of ourself and not completely accepted our flaws. We keep on trying hard to meet the demands of the society, forgetting that everyone is different and unique.

Once we try to be content of ourselves, become more self aware, improve weak areas of our lives, collectively by knowing ourselves better and not faking it by being someone else.

No external validation is required.

-d-